My Style of Parenting

Tonight there was what I like to call "a great FaceBook Debate" on one of my friends pages. She reposted the following written by another friend:


"I'm so tired of this mentality, especially among parents, that by encouraging one choice we must be slamming the other. Just because I congratulate my friend on her decision to have a natural childbirth doesn't mean I'm dogging women who choose epidurals, inductions, c-sections, etc. Your body, your choice. Just because I celebrate a friend who has worked HARD to exclusively breastfeed doesn't mean I'm hating on formula feeding parents. Just because I answer a few how-to questions about cloth diapering doesn't mean I think you're satan for using paper diapers. It's the equivalent of telling someone I like their pink sweater and someone else getting offended because they think I hate the color blue - one does not indicate the other!

And do you know why I spend so much time encouraging fellow natural-birthing, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, co-sleeping mamas? Because they have an uphill battle all the way. You want an epidural? No sweat, just let your friendly L&D nurse know and they'll get right on that. You want to formula feed your baby? Lucky for you formula companies are falling all over themselves to get you their product. You want to paper diaper your kids? Same deal as the formula companies. Your choices are not questioned, ridiculed, or discouraged a million ways to Sunday, nor should they be.
I wish parents would call a truce and realize that what works for them doesn't work for everyone and that's ok! "
-Names are being left out to protect identities, but this wasnt written by me.

So here it is: my soap box.


#1 I breastfeed. I breastfeed when my baby is hungry, therefore I breastfeed in public. For the general public's consideration I use a nursing cover (even though its WAY harder to get her to latch with it) and this is ALL I feel obligated to do. Though if I ever see a woman BFing uncovered I might go high five her for her balls. Could I give my baby a pumped bottle? Sure, but it screws with my supply and takes a whole lot of time and effort on my part to do when all I NEED to do and all God intended for me to do is pop out my boob. I reserve pumped bottles for church and time away from Allie (in church it's distracting. I get that.) I cant believe how many men and even women, EVEN NURSING WOMEN are offended by covered nursing in public. Its normal people. Get over it. 

And nursing mommas out there who feel too self conscious/ scared of judgment/ etc, who thought nursing in public would be nice but were too scared, DO IT! It's so liberating not to hide on a toilet or in a hot/cold car or seclude yourself from the general population just because youre feeding your baby. The more women who embrace nursing in public the more "normal" it will become liberating nursing moms everywhere! To quote a fellow blogger "Babies gotta eat, mommas gotta feed." No matter how you do it, formula, pumped bottles or boobies, live and let live.


#2 Ill nurse my baby as long as I want to nurse her thank.you.very.much. Someone close to me (not naming names) recently announced their shock and disgust for a celebrity who nursed their baby until it was FIFTEEN MONTHS OLD! Seriously?? Thats NORMAL. I then educated said person on what the WHO and APA recommend for nursing length (if youre wondering, it's actually recommended to nurse until at least 3). I was then told that "they would be saying something to me if I still nurse Allie when shes that old." Ummm... I dont think so. Here's the thing, I HIGHLY doubt Ill still be nursing Allie by 3. But so what if I am. Its recommended by the APA which is a huge association of doctors, who is anyone else to question that recommendation? Now if I saw a five year old go suck on their moms tit at the park, Im not gonna lie, Id give the side eye. But I wouldnt say anything to them. ITS NOT MY DECISION AND ITS NOT MY KID! If I end up nursing Allie until shes 18 months, whatever. If my neighbor decides to formula feed her kid only. Whatever, HER decision.

#3  I cloth diaper. Yes I know there's a lot of laundry involved. What's your point? What does anyone care how much laundry I end up doing? Why is what I put on my kids butt is my problem. If someone else uses disposables awesome. I use them sometimes too. They are easier when traveling. Why do I have to explain this decision to everyone?? 

#4 I gave birth med free. My decision to try this was met with tons of "YEAH... Good luck with that ((insert eye roll))." "Well just remember it wont go as planned so dont even try!" "WHY?? Just get the epidural its so much easier!"  and most famously my jerk of a L&D nurse who actually did the eye roll and "Good luck with that" WHILE I was in labor and told her I didnt want meds. WHY is this such an issue for people? Its how women gave birth for thousands of years and there are tons of benefits to natural birth. I dont give a flip when a woman chooses to get an epi. Why do people seem so annoyed by my decision not to?


#5 Heres the kicker and one I talk the least about: I CO SLEEP!!! GASP! I actually dont bedshare (all the time). Yes there is a difference. Co sleeping = baby in room but not bed, bedsharing= baby in bed. Not gonna lie, Id probably bed share all the time if I could get a decent nights sleep doing it. However Im such a light sleep and so aware of Allie I dont sleep well. So instead Allie sleeps in her Rock N Play or Co Sleeper right beside my bed. Honestly this started for sheer convenience. Who wants to get up and walk across the house ever 2 hours to nurse a baby? Now that she's (mostly) sleeping through the night we keep her in our room because the WHO recommends babies Co Sleep for the first 6 months of life because it reduces the chance of SIDS. Babies regulate their heart beats and breathing patterns by their parents. Basically hearing us breathe reminds them to breathe. It also keeps parents more alert and in tune with their child and they are able to sense distress earlier when the child is close by.

Allie does come in to bed with me around 6 am  so I can side lay nurse her and we both get a few more hours of sleep. Im SICK of the comments about how Im spoiling her and how she will never be able to sleep by herself. I cant imagine itll be that hard to get her into a crib at 6 months, but even still, after knowing 3 women who lost their babies due to SIDS in 1 month Id rather her be stubborn and have peace of mind. Im taking no chances now.


So here's the deal. This is what works for our family. Im a breastfeeding, co sleeping, cloth diapering, natural birthing, baby led scheduling,  vaccinating, baby wearing, boundary at the right age enforcing momma! Some call it attachment parenting but while I do some AP style things, not everything I do is in accordance with their beliefs. Im very much a believer in boundaries when kids are old enough to begin to understand them, but at such a young age I feel like Allie, due to her innate instincts, can tell me what she wants/needs and when she needs them. I feel like catering to that while so young helps her bond, feel loved and understand that we will take care of her. Eventually shell get older and understand reason and the difference between wants and needs and will be able to express herself. At that point I plan to enforce bedtime in her own bed, chores, manners, and a schedule. But for now she only understands when shes getting her needs met and when she isnt. So FOR US this works.


For other mommas they do something totally different and may completely disagree with our parenting style for their family. THAT IS FINE!!! Live and let live. I just wish that we could all respect each other for being mommas in general. So when I talk about the things I do with my friends who are similar its because I do things the same way so I understand, but it doesnt mean I disagree with a different way of thinking. To each her own! Lets all remember that we are all doing our best and just because someone else does it different doesnt make it wrong.


Thus the end of my soap box.


So what kind of momma are you?