They seemed in a hurry to get her upstairs to the NICU but not so much that they didnt allow us these few "normalcies". During all of that Dr S delivered my placenta which was a strange feeling but didnt hurt at all and they pumped me full of 3 bags of post delivery pitocin to make sure my uterus contracted down so I didnt hemorrhage. The Pit made me SOOOo cold. I was literally uncontrollably shaking and my stupid nurse never did offer to get me another blanket. Finally my mom started fussing at people to get some blankets and all was well. In the mean time while they worked to figure out what was wrong with our daughter I kept asking "is she ok?" "What's wrong?" over and over. NO ONE EVER ANSWERED. Every single person completely ignored me or avoided my questions. I was so frustrated. I knew SOMETHING wasnt right, I just needed them to tell me that, even if they couldnt tell me what it was yet. I just wanted to know that what they were doing was in fact not normal. But no one ever did. The Dr finally told the NICU nurse to let me kiss the baby and explained that they were going to take her up to the NICU and put her on some oxygen for a while. The Dr explained that sometimes babies just needed a few minutes on the O2 to get regulated and then they were usually fine. They told me the NICU would call and keep us updated.
After the delivery I felt sad that I didnt get the time Id so desperately wanted and done this natural delivery for with her, but I was otherwise just content that the delivery was over. I assumed it would just be a few hours in the NICU on O2 and we would get our daughter back. My family (dad, brother and his girlfriend) joined R, my mom and me in the delivery room and we all celebrated and prayed for Allie's health. I was hungry so we dipped in to our bag of snacks Id brought along and ate some peaches and drank some of the sacred OJ. (If you ever do the Bradley method youll get the OJ remark). I figured Id be tired after delivery but nope. I was invigorated and totally alert. My dad and brother went to go get me and R some fast food when the nurse came in to clean me up.
Something I definitely didnt know before having my own child: it is really freaking hard to pee right after delivery. I felt like I had to go and the nurse wouldnt leave until I did in case she had to put in a catheter (which I did NOT want). It took a good fifteen minutes, running water and a peri bottle to get my bladder to cooperate.
After all of this several hours had passed and we still hadnt heard anything from the NICU about our daughter. This is when our nurse turned from royal pain in my butt to my lifeline. She definitely redeemed herself post delivery. She asked if we'd heard anything yet and when we said no she went straight to the NICU armed with our camera and spent a good 10 minutes taking pictures of Allie for us and got an update. In the mean time my OB had gone up to check on the baby for me and came back to tell me that Allie had what looked like Pneumonia in her left lung and would need antibiotics and O2 to get better. She then told me the news that made my heart drop a bit: she would definitely be in the hospital at least 7 days in order to finish this round of anti biotics. I was just NOT expecting this.
I had planned for my baby to come back to the room with us, stay a few days in the hospital and walk out the doors in my arms. This obviously was not going to happen. After that I was feeling low. I still had yet to hold my own daughter, I had no idea when I COULD hold her, or even see her again and she would be in the hospital at least a week if not longer. Again our nurse made up for her lack of empathy during labor when she put me in a wheel chair just a few hours post delivery and took us to the NICU so I could see my daughter.
We werent allowed to hold her because her stats kept dropping when she was moved but at least I got to touch her. The hour we spent just wasnt enough though... We left back for our room without either of us having held our little girl and both with heavy hearts after seeing her hooked up to so many tubes and monitors. That night was hard. I didnt sleep at all, I wasnt tired. All I could think was how I just didnt feel like a mom and how worried I was because I didnt feel bonded to my baby. I loved her more than my life, but I didnt know her at all. I felt empty. I didnt feel like it would be real until I held her, maybe even until I nursed her (which I also didnt think would work at that point).Finally the next morning there was a shift change and Allie was finally doing a bit better. Her pediatrician had seen her and agreed that it was pneumonia and that shed definitely be there for the week but that she was well enough for us to hold her. As soon as our nurse could take us we went up to the NICU and held our daughter for the first time. It was and amazing experience but nerve wracking too. All the tubes attached to her definitely made it hard. She was so beautiful and alert! She spent a good hour just starting at R and me. It was like she knew who we were and wanted to memorize our faces now. It was truly special.
We spent nearly 5 hours in the NICU that day just holding her. The next day they weaned her down on her o2 low enough that I was able to attempt nursing which went shockingly well and has been ever since. I still had to pump every 2 hours I wasnt with her but all in all it wasnt too bad. They eventually moved us from the L&D room to a post partum room (which was right down the hall from the NICU) and we spent the next 3 days between the NICU and that room.
On the third day when we were trying to figure out how to work exclusive breastfeeding and having a NICU baby, Allies nurse talked to the post partum unit and cleared it for us to stay in our room another night without charging us for a "nesting" day (wed planned to use our 2 complimentary nesting days before she was released). ALL the NICu nurses were amazing because every day Allie was in the NICU a new nurse would do the same thing for us and we were able to stay the full 7 days with her making exclusive breast feeding possible!
I could spend a whole new blog just on the week we were in the NICU with everything that happened (we celebrated my birthday, Christmas Eve, Christmas and our 3rd wedding anniversary in that hospital room haha) but Im already giving you props if you made it this far because this was LONG. I leave it with this though: it was one of the most trying, tiring, wonderful, terrifying experiences of my life. It definitely wasnt what I had anticipated or expected, but now that we are home with a healthy baby, how we got here doesnt seem to matter so much.
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